How We Show Up

Community values and practices are our baseline for interacting with each other. Please consider the following agreements from Spring Up!:

• care for yourself and your people
• subjectivity and specificity
• consent
• accountability
• accept incompletion
• seek to understand
• solidarity
• self-determination
• reflection and evaluation
• reject the binary, embrace both/and

Which agreement is the most challenging for you? Which agreement might you focus on this week/month/season/year? What might you add?

Our education-based socialization started in pre-K or elementary school and continues to shape our expectations in ways that facilitate and hinder our learning. Colleges and universities were built on the land of those Indigenous to Turtle Island and through the forced labor and enslavement of Africans. Colleges and universities were created as places where white upper-class men could label themselves as experts who existed to be right and revered. Over time, BIPOC, women, and those with less financial means entered the university system, and they called for immense changes to the institution. Many of these changes have yet to be realized.

These expectations seep into the supervisory/consultation relationship. So take a few moments to think about what you expect from supervisors/consultants and yourself.

• Are supervisors understanding, flexible, and compassionate, or dismissing, rigid, and cold? Can supervisors be challenged? Does your voice matter?
• How do you feel when a supervisor says they don't have the answer? How did these beliefs emerge?
• What does it mean to miss a session or turn in a task late? What is your relationship to perfectionism? How did these beliefs emerge?
• Do you expect a supervisor with privileged identities to tell you about the lived experience of marginalized people? Do you expect a supervisor with oppressed identities to speak for the group? Do you expect to be able to lump together lived experiences based on one person's narrative? Do you feel like you're not getting your "money's worth" if a supervisor directs you to an external resource created by a marginalized voice?

We all enter partnerships with different needs to support our learning. Voicing our needs provides us access to support, helps us practice self-advocacy, and models for others who may be working on communicating their access needs. I encourage you to use your voice to take care of yourself. And I am available to get creative with you to determine what access looks like for you. As Mia Mingus wrote, "In my experience when access intimacy is present, the most powerful part is having someone to navigate access and ableism with. It is knowing that someone else is with me in this mess."

Learn more about disability justice, access intimacy (here and here), and the privileging of whiteness.

Here are some access requests for you to consider (across settings):

• eyes: bluelight-blocking or rose-tinted glasses, turning off your camera, natural light
• body: wheelchair-accessible desk, sit on the floor, stand up, stretch, lay down, blankets, layers of clothes
• ears: turn on closed captions, keep the transcript up, use earplugs, lower volume, sit away from others
• focus: color, knit, fidget toy, turn off your camera, turn on closed captions, doodle
• voice: type into chat, use emojis, don't participate
• nourishment: eat, drink, breathe, take breaks

Inclusive language enables us to create a comfortable supervision/consultation environment. While misgendering, microaggressions, and stigmatizing language will occur in life, we can make a concerted effort to minimize the harm we may do by developing our awareness, listening when we are causing harm, and practicing accountability after harm. We can also learn how to quickly self-correct without lingering on the mistake. For example, when I have used the wrong pronoun for a person in the past, I simply stop myself, make the correction, and keep going. Example: "When she told me, excuse me, when they told me about the agency they were working at..." Quick, simple, done.

Here are a few small things that make a big difference when referring to others:

• Check to see if you're spelling a person's name correctly
• Misgendering can be a painful, repetitive process for gender-expansive folks. When you see someone's pronouns, please use them accurately and consistently. You can practice using pronouns with this helpful online tool: www.practicewithpronouns.com
• Consider using gender-inclusive language. For example, instead of "Thank you, ladies" or "Hey guys," try "Thank you, everyone!" or "Hey, everyone!" Not everyone in your classes identifies within the gender binary. "Ladies" and "guys" are examples of binary language that excludes gender-expansive folks.
• Confirm which salutation to use with someone (Mr., Mx., Mrs., Ms., Miss, sir, ma'am, miss)

Core conflict terminology (from Spring Up!)

• Disagreement means that there is a lack of consensus or agreement; there is a difference in opinion.
• Conflict is a disagreement stemming from deeply rooted opposing wants and needs; there could also be opposing interests, values, and directions. This is often what a disagreement looks like within collaboration.
• Harm occurs when the actions of a person (or people) or system(s) negatively impact a person (or people) and create unmet needs and obligations. This is often an abuse of power.
• Hurt is the activation of previous harm.
• Abuse is when harm becomes an ongoing or repeated pattern. Patterns of control can include intimidation, emotional or physical abuse, neglect, isolation, denial/minimization, leverage, and coercion that enable continuing harm.

Steps to address harm

When something messed up happens, strive to address the situation. You may address it in the moment, after reflection, or never, regardless of your role in the harm.

1. Notice and understand — Where do I feel tension in my body? Is this from learning new ideas that challenge me? Is this because something said or done in the space reinforces oppression? Do I need more time to process this and identify what it means or do I feel ready?
2. Respond and address — Respond to the individual (email, learning platforms): "When x happened, I felt y, and now I need z." Meet with me to talk it through and come up with a plan.
3. Reflect and evaluate — What happened? What did I need at that moment? What do I need now? What could prevent this or support stronger facilitation and generative conflict in the future?

My role in addressing harm

Addressing harm is a relational process that takes time, reflection, and dedication. If I am the one who caused the harm, please tell me during session. I will do the same if you cause harm.

If written communication is your preferred communication pathway when addressing harm, please bring your writing to session and read it aloud. Sending such writing via email leaves out emotion, tone, expression, and body language (and puts your privacy at risk). I will not read it unless it's presented in session. I am taking this position to encourage you to step into new (and perhaps uncomfortable) territory, which will expand and strengthen your interpersonal skills.

When using session time to address harm that I have caused, I am open to waiving the financial contribution for that session. Just let me know.

I am accessible via signal, text, phone, and email (see footer). Here is my schedule and planned out of office. When you can't get in touch with me, consider these resources during extenuating circumstances:

• Rocky Mountain Crisis Partners (for you and clients): 1-844-493-TALK (8255)
• A friend or family member (thoughtful, trustworthy, compassionate)

I strongly encourage you to NOT contact carceral services without much deliberation and collaboration. Instead, engage with these resources:

• mandated supporting
• ProjectLETS

Partnerships have many natural closing points, including finding a new partnership, moving out of state, and having your needs met. Our partnership can end at any time. Simply let me know that we will be ending. A final session is encouraged so we can reflect and say goodbye.